Defining Story

Discover your happy stories

Do you really know what makes you happy? Reflect on your happy moments. Who was there? What were you doing? I’ll bet it didn’t have anything to do with having more stuff.

I remember lying on my back in the grass  on a warm sunny day in San Francisco. I was a little girl and the grass smelled fresh and clean. There were a few clouds in the sky. They were puffy and imagination filled. It was quiet and I was alone. It felt like I was one with the universe.

That I remember this moment tells me that it was special. It tells me that I need frequent doses of natural serenity. I need moments alone to reflect and refresh.

What do your stories tell you about who you are and what you treasure?

Story listening

I’ve always been curious. Too curious. I annoyed my teachers by asking questions they didn’t have answers for. I just couldn’t help myself. In my techie days I sometimes annoyed clients by asking too many questions. But listening to their stories about how they did their jobs gave me information about what I could do to make their jobs easier. They would tell me what they wanted and as I drilled down with questions, I discovered what they really needed and had not thought possible.

For example, when I worked for Occidental College, the faculty wanted “online registration.” To them, that meant that the Registrar staff would have terminals to enter data at registration. To me, it meant having students registering themselves in their classes. I listened to what they described and when I asked more questions, I heard that making the process good for the students was just as important as making it good for the faculty. You see, at Oxy, the faculty serve the students, not the other way around.

The result was that I designed and programmed the original version of Oxy’s registration system, “Reggie.” The students, the faculty, and the Registrar staff all loved it. So did I.

The old man and the apples

Ray and I took a drive to West Virginia to see the fall leaves. I love crisp, juicy apples and wanted to stop at a roadside stand to buy some. We saw a sign for an orchard and turned off on a side road. We turned down a road that looked like a driveway to someone’s house and prepared to turn around and go back. Then we spotted an old man sitting on a chair in what looked like a huge garage with no front side. He was just sitting there in front of a huge stack of wooden boxes. I asked him if he had apples for sale. He stood up and pointed to the boxes. He said he had Rome apples. He also had a small pile of miniature pumpkins. His grandson had grown them. The pride lit up that wiry old man’s eyes.

We bought a box of apples and 4 little pumpkins. The man transferred the apples to a cardboard box and gave me a bag for the pumpkins. The apples had been picked just that morning. He said he grew peaches too. About half of his orchard was apples and the other half peaches. He gave us his card so we could call him to find out when the peaches were ripe.

I always took pride in the fact that I am rarely bored. If I expect to have to wait somewhere, I take a book or magazine to read. I thought about that man just sitting there with nothing to do. I thought and thought about him. His eyes were so happy. He was content. He wasn’t bored. He worked hard when it was time to work and he rested when it was time to rest.

Meditation is a popular practice today. You can take classes or buy tapes to help learn how. I realized that the old man knew how to meditate. He sat on his chair on a lovely fall day. Maybe he was thinking about something, but my hunch is that his mind was clear and he was taking in the beauty of a perfect day.

Sit down somewhere in a peaceful setting and clear your mind. You can be in a field by a stream, in a library or in the bathtub. Take in the beauty around you. Listen to the sounds. Relax and enjoy being alive.

Life’s little traumas make memorable stories

Most of us never climbed Mount Everest, were held hostage at gunpoint, or saved the lives of a family trapped in a burning building. Those stories are riveting, but aren’t worth much more than entertainment value. I cannot connect with those stories. They are out of the realm of my experience. I don’t learn life’s lessons from them.

Last night I heard a small story about a man who took his wife and newborn son on a 5 hour plane trip to visit the in-laws. He had us on the edge of our chairs as he maneuvered his 6′7″ frame into his seat. We were laughing, crying, and commiserating with his plight. He could make many points from this story. “You can take anything for 5 hours.” “Don’t take it personally.” “Learn from babies. Take a break and sleep.”

Ordinary stories can provide great learning. What’s your story?

Is bragging OK?

Telling success stories is more than OK, it’s mandatory for anyone in business.

I gave a presentation on Strategic Bragging this morning. Several of the attendees were worried about what my friend, Steve Dorfman, calls “Me Monsters.” Me Monsters are people who are only interested in themselves. You want to turn invisible and run away when you get trapped by one of these bores.

Bragging tastefully is simply telling the story about how you helped your client. It’s mostly about the results they got.

Bragging helps people really get what you do. Bragging helps people know what kind of clients you serve and it helps them recognize your value.  One more thing. Bragging helps them see where they or someone they know can get their needs met.

It’s all about serving others while you make a profit.

No boring stories allowed

No one wants to hear a story about a man who was born into a wealthy family, went to the best private school, was captain of his high school football team, went to Harvard, became a doctor, married his college sweetheart… Boring, isn’t it?

I’d rather hear a story about a woman who cut school, sneaked out at night, got in trouble, got picked up for being a prostitute (but really wasn’t one), got pregnant… And then she realized that she didn’t want to bring up her daughter that way, and went to junior college at night… She got her degree in business and now employs 30 young women.

The power of story is when we can learn from the mistakes of others, so we don’t have to suffer ourselves.

Truth or fiction?

I had an unsettling conversation this morning. A man I’ve had several conversations with said that he had heard, “Don’t let the truth stand in the way of a good story.”  Yes, a tall tale can be fun in a social setting, but you can’t get away with taking liberties with the truth in business. There is no hiding anymore. That’s a good thing. When you are authentic and tell your true stories, you automatically attract business that’s right for you.

The best marketing tool is a true, well crafted story.